


Hopeless Romantic

by quailbirdbb



Category: Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: A bit of steakwine, Hamburger just doesn’t wanna be alone, M/M, chocolate is just really supportive of his friend, oops the plot thickens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-14 20:26:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20853587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quailbirdbb/pseuds/quailbirdbb
Summary: Hamburger being a hopeless romantic towards girls. Red Wine, Steak, and Chocolate try to help. Dashes of Steakwine.





	Hopeless Romantic

Hamburger tossed down his skateboard when he walked into the room. It was a lazy, careless action. Without sparing a look at his roommate, the food soul collapsed on his bed— previously Red Wine’s. It felt nice to relax in the sheets, especially with the way he was feeling now. Sighing, his fingers fiddled sadly with the blankets.

“You know, I would say something mean, but I don’t know what makes you tick yet.”

Eyes quickly flicking to the side, Hamburger noted the presence of Red Wine on Steak’s bed. A grimace appeared on his face. He really didn’t want to deal with the stronger soul’s quips and sharp remarks. Hamburger looked away.

There was a moment of silence. Distantly, Hamburger wondered if Red Wine was staring at him. There was a clear sound of metal against metal, hinting that Red was honing his sword.

So no, Red Wine didn’t care about what he was thinking.

Still, his mouth opened to speak anyways. Unfortunately, Hamburger was a blindingly open person. “I asked someone out.” He began, voice a mutter. He could hear the amusement in Red Wine’s voice when he responded.

“Oh? Who’s the lucky maiden?”

Hamburger became uncomfortable at the sharp sarcasm. His eyes narrowed, staring at Red Wine. “I got friend-zoned.” He said simply.

A snigger came from the vampiric food soul before he could stop it. “Oops.” He muttered, rising his fist up to press against his lips. “Sorry.”

Red Wine didn’t seem all that apologetic, so Hamburger fell silent. It was obvious that the swordsman wouldn’t do anything to help him feel better. Honestly, he should’ve known. Red Wine wasn’t very sympathetic.

Desperately, he pounced on the opportunity to talk again when Steak swung open the door.

“I was friend-zoned.” Hamburger announced quickly the moment he caught sight of him. An incredulous look from the horned soul was sent his way.

“Excuse me?”

“Friend-zoned.” Echoed Red Wine. He seemed to have finished sharpening his sword; having moved on to lounge peacefully on the bed. “By a girl.”

Steak nodded slowly. “Unfortunate.” He sighed, but it didn’t really seem to be meaningful. Just words that were automatically said when such a thing happened. He sat at the bedside, near Red Wine. After he settled in, his attention was back on the subject. 

“Who’d you confront?”

A feeling of embarrassment fluttered in Hamburger’s chest. There was a long silence that followed. It was only when Red Wine finally turned and rose a brow at him did his mouth start to move. 

“Spicy Gluten.”

“Spicy Glu— you child!” Stammered Red Wine, tone exasperated. The scolding in his voice made Hamburger duck his head in shame. “No wonder you were reje—!”

Steak shifted to hit his roommate’s leg. Hard. A side-ways glare got Wine’s words to hush on his lips.

“Chances are,” began Steak, “that you were way below friend-zoned.” 

Hamburger pursed his lips, musing over that. It was true that Spicy Gluten was a very seductive mistress; that much he already knew. Still, he had hoped he could’ve had a chance. An exhausted huff was all that he responded with.

Figuring the conversation was over, Steak laid out to collapse next to his vampiric partner. A relaxed exhale came from the burly soul. Looking over curiously, Hamburger noted that his eyelids had fluttered shut. 

Minutes later, Hamburger was certain that he had fallen asleep— and apparently, Red Wine believed the same thing.

“What mad force caused you to ask /her/ out?” Hummed Red Wine, eyes narrowing. Anyone with a brain would see that the woman just enjoyed toying others. 

The man seemed fearful at the question. Eyes going wide with hesitance, his fingers went on to pick at the blanket. “I...” He inhaled deeply. Red Wine almost laughed at how insecure he appeared. “I dunno, I think you and Steak are really cute together. Like, really really cute. I can go on and on about why I ship you two—.”

“Don’t.”

“—B-but I guess I started to want to have a relationship like you two do. To actually love somebody, y’know? I guess I got desperate.”

“You’re /jealous/?” Rasped Steak suddenly, scaring Hamburger shitless. Red Wine seemed less startled; or maybe he was just good at hiding it. 

So he hadn’t fallen asleep after all.

Hamburger jumped to clarify. “Not of you! Well, not in the way you think— I-I’d never get in the way of you and Red Wine.” Steak seemed to bristle less at that, and Hamburger continued. “It’s just that you guys make me actually want to be in a relationship with someone. I want to have what you guys have.”

The partners stared at Hamburger for a dreadfully long time. The skateboarder’s palms had started to sweat, the effects of the nerves kicking in.

“You are so pitiful.”

“Red Wine!” Snapped Steak, giving him a glare. All the vampiric soul did was frown, a flicker of defiance in his eyes.

“What? It’s not our problem.” Reasoned the swordsman. He shot a powerful look at Hamburger; the force withering. “He’s hopeless.” Red Wine went on to flip over to lay on his side, back facing the other two souls. It was obvious that he was irritated. 

A musing look came across Steak’s face.

Hamburger watched as the horned knight twisted around to stare at his partner. “I think we should help him.” He declared. 

“No.” Red Wine murmured.

Steak pushed himself up into a sit, his arm settling on the swordman’s side. “I feel bad.” He whispered.

“I don’t.”

“Don’t you feel some kind of responsibility over him?” The horned food soul pressed, making an odd gesture with his hands. In return, Red Wine gave him a blank look. 

“What do you mean?”

The knight leaned in closer to his mildly curious partner, voice dropping softly. “Look at him, Wine. He’s a child compared to us. A little baby-baby. He hardly has any experience in this field when you think about it.” Steak pointed out. “And as the experienced, more-mature food souls, we should be looking after him and his... questionable choices.”

The two food souls peered over at Hamburger quietly, who had been listening intently to their conversation. A pleading look rested on his face. Faintly, Red Wine was reminded of a begging dog.

With a sigh, the vampiric man rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He spat. “We’ll help you find a date.” At Hamburger’s relieved look, he continued. “And I know just the person who’ll know what to do.”

—•—

Chocolate’s eyes were as bright as stars, Hamburger noticed.

“Hello my friends.” He crooned, stepping closer to the trio. “How may I be of service?”

Red Wine turned to look at Hamburger, who had fallen silent. Once he caught his eye, he gestured expectantly over to the dessert food soul.

“Oh.” Startled the skateboarder. “Um, hi. I’m looking to impress a girl?”

“Ah, a lady.” Chocolate hummed. He twirled a rose between his thumb and index finger nonchalantly. “Stunning. Who do you have your eyes on?”

“Well uh.” Stammering, Hamburger’s hand went to rub the back of his neck. “. . .Nobody in mind I guess.”

Chocolate startled, and he gave the younger food soul a confused stare. “Nobody in mind?” He parroted. At the skateboarder’s hesitant nod, he continued. A warm laugh came from his throat. “Oh, no, you can’t force love if it doesn’t come to you first. It’s what makes it sweet and memorable.”

“I know, I know.” Dismissed Hamburger. “But I just— I really, really need this right now.” A lazily gesture towards Red Wine before his next words came out. “He said you could help me, so I need to know if you really can.”

A musing expression captured Chocolate’s face. The flower in his hand went up to press thoughtfully against his cheek, and his eyes sparkled. “Of course I can help.” He said. “Matchmaking? Sounds like a challenge calling my name.”

Relieved, Hamburger smiled, but it was tight. “Thank you.”

“No, no, no.” Waved off Chocolate. “Don’t thank me just yet, dear. Anything can go wrong.”

That didn’t make him feel any better.

The romantic food soul bounced once where he stood, a pleasant grin on his face. “Let’s get started, shall we?” He suggested, sweeping over to look at the trio. 

“We’ll find you the perfect mistress, Hamburger.”

—•—

“Vodka?” Piped Red Wine, raising a brow. A certain dry tone in his voice made Hamburger feel more nervous than he already was. “Chocolate, she’s out of the poor thing’s league. Why not start with something smaller, like a potato.”

“You’re really not helping.” Grumbled the skateboarder, and Chocolate laughed.

“Relax, dear, we’re just here to practice on your flirting.” He purred, batting his eyes at the word “flirting.” “Ladies enjoy being phrased. It’s only what the lovely sweethearts deserve, after all.”

Hamburger shifted slightly, eyes darting around. “Okay, but, like, what if I get nervous and mess everything up?”

Chocolate snapped his finger before pointing at him. “Excellent question.” His velvety voice commented. “Pretend I’m Vodka. Practice. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“O-oh.” Stammered the skateboarder, uneasily. “Okay, okay, okay.” He cleared his throat, standing up a little straighter. 

Then there was a very, /very/ long silence.

“What are you doing?” Murmured Steak.

“I don’t know.” Hamburger squeaked.

“What? What do you mean you don’t know?” Cut in Red Wine, eyes screwing into a narrow. “By all of the stars—! Just compliment her hair!”

“I like your hair.” Said the skateboarder quickly towards Chocolate, who seemed embarrassingly quiet. “It... smells. N-not bad. It doesn’t smell /bad/ that’s not what I meant. It’s a good smell. You smell good. Wait that’s not—.”

“Please.” Croaked Chocolate, raising his hand to stop his ranting, smile lopsided. “Let’s stop there.”

“I’m at least ninety percent certain that Vodka would have your head if you approached her like that.” Steak stated, brutally honest, and Hamburger swallowed nervously.

“And what about the other ten percent?” 

Red Wine sneered. “Her bird gets you first.”

Chocolate clapped his hands together, his mild surprise now faded into a odd confidence. Maybe he was just trying to be supportive. Either way, they turned to listen anyways. “Hamburger, don’t try so hard.” He laughed lightly. “Let it come naturally. Say the first thing that comes into mind.” 

Hamburger took in a deep breath, nodding. “Okay. Yeah, I’ve got this.” 

As the skateboarder walked away to confront Vodka, Red Wine put a hand on his hips. “He’s done for.”

—•—

“That’s okay.” Rushed Chocolate, looking over Hamburger. “This is okay. Maybe we should’ve started with something a little more easier. That’s on me.”

The skateboarder groaned, tiredly peering at the other three souls. Feathers stuck out of his messy hair and scratch marks littered his skin. 

Hamburger grimaced. “I don’t think she was the right one.”

Steak gave a warning glance towards Red Wine when he opened his mouth to tease. The vampiric food soul bared his teeth, growling softly— and teasingly.

“This is okay.” Chocolate pressed again. “Nobody nails it on the first try. Say, are there any ladies you fancy?”

“Sukiyaki’s nice.”

“Sukiyaki’s a boy.” Red Wine deadpanned, and Hamburger’s eyes widened.

“He’s a wha—?”

Chocolate made a wild gesture with his hands, shutting him up. “That is /also/ okay. That is fine. Is there anyone else?”

“I hear Orange Juice is looking for a partner, too.” Steak said when it was clear that Hamburger was tongue-tied. “Word goes that she’s especially charming. You may get lucky.”

“Okay.” Huffed the skateboarder after a moment of thought. “I can try it out with Orange Juice.”

“Fantastic.” Purred Chocolate, the easy smile coming back to his face. “Between you and I, ladies enjoy being given gifts. It’s a sign of appreciation and care.”

“So you’re saying that I give her a gift?” Hamburger asked. He seemed to cringe. “They like jewelry, right? I don’t have any of that.” 

“It doesn’t always have to be jewelry.” Chocolate hummed, fluttering his lashes three times before continuing. “Even the smallest thing can mean the world. It doesn’t even have to be anything you can give physically.”

“What does that... even mean?”

Chocolate laughed breezily, looking slightly pained. “You are... such a hopeless romantic, my friend.”

A dusty red flush appeared across Hamburger’s cheeks, embarrassed at the claim. Honestly, he couldn’t argue otherwise.

“What do you suggest I give her?” He questioned, nervously, and Chocolate waved his hand dismissively.

“That’s on you.”

—•—

The rose in his hand twirled between his fingers uneasily. 

Hamburger sighed. Something told him that this attempt would end in disaster. Thankfully, Orange Juice wouldn’t have a falcon.

Leaning against the wall, his eyes scanned the area. Five minutes had already passed, and he could feel his palms coat with sweat. Hamburger swallowed thickly.

His gaze fell on the three food souls wingman-ing him from across the courtyard. He was too anxious to look at anything else, but he was quickly reminded of his task.

“Hey, Eclair?” Hamburger called evenly. Once the food soul turned to him he continued. “Where’s Orange Juice? I thought she was with your squad.”

Eclair waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, Master Attendant sent her on an exploration with Macaroon. Moon Cake is taking her place for now.”

Hamburger felt the grimace on his face. “Oh...” There was a pause, and the skateboarder smiled. “Have I ever told you how much I like your jacket? It looks really good on you.”

Snorting, Eclair rose a brow. “Yeah? Thanks. I guess.” The tired food soul slunk off, and Hamburger could see Steak ushering him over.

“Orange Juice won’t be here for a bit.” Explained the younger food soul, beginning to pick at the rose’s stem. “What should I do?”

Chocolate glanced around. “There are other food souls here.” He pointed out. “Try your luck.”

“I don’t think my luck wants to be tried.” Hamburger uttered, nose crinkling. He spared a look at the food souls arriving back from a mission. “Maybe Pancake will hear me out?”

The group let the question hang in the air. From the corner of his eye, Steak could spot Red Wine scrunching his nose. To his left, Chocolate had a new sparkle in his eyes.

“Pancake, huh? Go on, then.” Chocolate ushered slowly. By now, gears were bound to be turning in his head. By the looks of it, Red Wine seemed to have caught on too.

Hamburger’s lips pressed into a thin line. A new determination pumped at his veins as he strut over.

He bumped into Cola. 

“Oh! Sorry! I’m sorry!” Cried out the skateboarder, ducking low and nabbing at the other food soul’s waist. The grab had saved Cola from the hard floor below. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t paying attention at all, I—.”

The words died on his tongue. All of a sudden his face seemed to feel a little... hot. 

“Well this is an awkward situation.”

“No, bro. It’s all cool.” Cola placed his soles on the ground, raising himself upright with the help of holding onto Hamburger’s cloth. The food soul opened his mouth to say something else, but Hamburger’s mouth moved quicker.

“You have beautiful eyes.”

Cola stared at him, off-guard. He blinked once, then twice. “Sweet.” He said finally. “Your eyes are pretty cool too.” 

With that, he turned away, probably off to rest after his assigned exploration.

The first thing he heard was Steak’s snickers.

As if Hamburger’s face wasn’t warm enough, it got even hotter. “Oh.” He muttered, and Steak howled out in laughter. “Oh oh oh.”

He turned around, cheeks bright red, eyes wide. “Oh my god.” Hamburger whimpered breathlessly. 

“I like /boys/.”

Somehow, from Chocolate’s soft smile; from Red Wine’s sparkling gaze; from Steak’s form shaking from laughter, Hamburger figured that they had already known.


End file.
